Period Watch 2009 – Bear vs. Panda
October 20, 2009
is over. Yup. Yesterday morning. I was sort of surprised but not really. The nausea went away on Saturday and my breasts stopped hurting Sunday morning . I had one of those moments (I call them “Sidney moments” after our puppy who, upon learning something or seeing something fascinating, cocks his head to the side and perks his ears up…sort of like, “huh. Oh. Okay.”). It was a Sidney moment because I sat in bed Sunday and thought, “Hubby was right, we were pregnant.” As a result of the BT, I’m guessing the embryo grabbed on (I did have implantation spotting which is why the negative test was so confusing) and then just didn’t have the genetic material necessary to keep growing and therefore, didn’t produce enough HCG to show up on a test. Classic BT. Despite what the movies tell you, it is possible to be slightly pregnant. This is my 4th or 5th time proving that fact…I’ve lost count. How much does that suck?
But, glass half full me is also happy that I clearly ovulated and got pregnant again. I was worried since I hadn’t been pregnant since February – the Clomid experiment produced nothing and a 42 day cycle is not normal for me. Only time I’ve had a cycle that long was when I was pregnant. Hubby said the same thing, he was ready to call in the RE out of fear that something as wrong. Good to know we already know what was wrong, it’s “just” the BT.
Also, anyone else starting to notice a pattern here? I seem to get pregnant in the Fall. The boys were conceived in November, 2007. I had two confirmed pregnancies in November and December 2008 and now this one. Maybe I’m more like a bear than a panda. I want to eat, get fat, get pregnant and hibernate until the cub comes. I really, really want that….Prehaps it’s my love of Halloween…I get happy with the approach of my favorite holiday and I’m sure my mood has something to do with my ability to conceive…
Whatever. There is always next month, right? That seems to be the story of my life…next month, and then the next month, and then the next.
Filed in Grief/Loss, miscarriage, October 2009, Pregnancy loss, recurrent pregnancy loss, Robertsonian Balanced Translocation, trying to get pregnant, TTC
Tags: angry, depression, disappointed, I want to be a mommy, miscarriage, Pregnancy loss, tired, tired of being tired, trying to conceive, TTC
Surviving Baby 
October 20, 2009 at 6:45 pm
Damn. I’m sorry. I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. There IS always next month, but I know it’s not much comfort at all.
You’re a good mama bear – here’s hoping you get to hibernate soon.
October 20, 2009 at 11:03 pm
I hope you and Michelle had a good time.
And I agree with you. People tend to get pregnant at a certain time. For me, it’s the spring/early summer. I’ll keep my finger’s crossed that the fall is your time of year.
Love ya.
October 21, 2009 at 9:48 am
I’m sorry. 😦 Sending hugs and warm thoughts, and lots of positive vibes.
October 21, 2009 at 11:46 am
I hope you don’t think this is too weird, but Autumn is a great time for preparing the soil for the new growing season and then planting the seeds for the creative gestation. If you Google “integral creative cycle” you’ll find an article in Kosmos about the annual creative cycle. In the article, the author talks much about winter being the season for gestation, trusting and allowing for rest like a pregnant mother would. Here’s looking at November and December for you and many warm, snuggly, romantic nights w/ hubby!
October 21, 2009 at 5:39 pm
I’m so very sorry! {{{{{{Big hugs to you}}}}}}}. I’m still praying!
October 21, 2009 at 11:52 pm
I am glad to hear you thinking in months. However hard, it is easier than measuring in hours and minutes . . .
October 23, 2009 at 10:54 pm
How confusing. How shitty. How I wish this were not happening for you!
I know sometimes you don’t want to hear this, and you don’t want to have to be this, but I am so impressed by your strength, month after month. Even when someone says, there’s always next month-you are strong.
thinking of you…
October 25, 2009 at 6:19 am
Here’s to next month. May it be THE month!