Silver

October 29, 2009

I have moments where I think “it didn’t really happen.  I didn’t really lose my boys.”  I do, really, all these months later – over a year later – I still think, “it didn’t happen.” 

I saw the lady with the silver in her hair at Fosters again.  I’m a little fascinated by her.  I sat there, watching her read her book, eating her sandwich and I thought, “that will be me in a couple of years.”  I’m so far lost in grief and disappointment that I can’t see soccer games, birthday parties and Halloween costumes.  I just see aging – getting older without children to run after.

I don’t know when I starting losing the ability to see a future that has a child in it.  Just last month I was thinking about and actually talking about playing the violin for my baby….now, I just can’t imagine it.  I try really hard to see our baby and all I see are my boys.

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3 Responses to “Silver”

  1. Kelly Says:

    It’s so hard. I wish it could be easier for you.

  2. Christy W Says:

    I am so, so sorry. I wish you had your boys. I so, so wish you had your boys. I wish so many things for you and I wish I could help somehow.
    Hugs.

  3. Michele Says:

    I think that too sometimes… I wish life were different for all of us.


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