I set up this blog after I lost one of my twin boys in March of 2008.  I thought I would write about what it was it was like to be expecting twins and then lose one and how I would deal with the single baby boy when I was supposed to come home from the hospital with two babies – hence the name “surviving baby” because he was the baby that survived.  Best laid plans, right?  My second baby boy was born still on April 8th, 2008 at 22 weeks. 

Now the title of the blog has a whole new meaning.  I’m surviving having babies that I didn’t get to bring home from the hospital.  I’m surviving the insensitive things that people do and say to you when your babies have died.  I am surviving the deafening silence from people who love me dearly but have no clue how to stop the pain and would give anything to do so.  I am surviving grieving differently from my amazingly wonderful husband and being okay with that.  I’m surviving the process of wanting to have another baby (I don’t say “trying to have another baby” because I didn’t fail the first time). 

So, I am sorry new moms, this is not the page for you.  If you have experienced loss and are fighting hard to survive, you are my people.  I’m hoping with a little humor and a lot tears, all of us out there will make it. 

We will survive baby and baby, we will survive.


13 Responses to “About Surviving Baby”

  1. KB Says:

    Hi. You visited my blog today. Thank you. I feel for you, your husband and your loss. It is a traumatic experience.

    We must be people for each other. I worked SO hard not to get pregnant for a long time and then I did and it was so easy. Then I was pregnant and we were SO excited and happy and all the pregnancy stuff.

    Then she was gone and my heart broke.

    I like where you said, “I don’t say ‘trying’ again ‘because I didn’t fail the first time.'” So true!

  2. I’m one of your people. Thanks for the line about not “trying” to have a baby, but rather “wanting” one. I also know what it’s like to have rude things said to you in regards to the whole experience. I’ve had my fair share. I’ll keep up with your blog, and want to say thanks in advance for sharing your story.

  3. jaded Says:

    i’m so very sorry for your losses.
    i like how you breakdown the ‘surviving’, especially the insensitive things people say.
    my whole blog could be devoted to just that.

  4. tntstanifer Says:

    My heart is just breaking for you. For all of us that belong to this sucky “club”. Today is my Franklin’s birthday. I wish I had started a journal or blog like this four years ago. If you ever need to vent to someone, look me up. I’m sorry for your pain, hon. So very sorry.

  5. oneofhismoms Says:

    First of all, thanks for reading and commenting on my blog. I also want to thank you for the post, “What to do when her baby died.” I’m just learning how to help people grieve. I am surprisingly sucky at it. But reading about it helps. So thanks. Sorry and thanks and thanks and sorry. You are doing right by your boys by telling us about them. And you are helping me. Again, thanks. And sorry. (See, I suck.)


  6. pretendmomma Says:

    “I don’t say “trying to have another baby” because I didn’t fail the first time”

    God I needed to hear that. I had my second miscarriage 1 week ago today, and I feel like I failed. I failed my husband, my family, his family. I feel like they are going to blame me. Folks have already started asking did I fall or get sick to cause this to happen. I haven’t told them the suspected reason yet. I don’t know if I want to ever tell them. It is hard.

  7. lillyshephard Says:

    thanks for reading and commenting on my blog the other day. i hope you received my reply…i’m with you on wishing we had places to wail and cry.

    i love your words about wanting to have a baby vs. trying to…i feel similarly about not saying that i lost my babies, as if i lost a shoe or my favorite tube of lipstick. i didn’t lose them. they died.

    thanks for the gentle reminder to be kind to ourselves on this journey…and best wishes with the clomid!

    • mkwewer Says:

      I did receive your reply, thank you. I’m so sorry that you are my people, I wish that you weren’t…take care and know that I am thinking about you…

  8. Abby Says:

    Hi. I came across your blog today. I just read your introduction and I really am lead to read more. I lost identical twin boys April 12, 2008 (at 22 weeks) due to unexplained preterm labor. How ironic that this happened to use near the same time and we were almost the same with our weeks? Please feel free to visit my blog. I’m eager to read your entire blog – I’m sure I’ll need a box of Kleenex!!! Thank you for sharing your experience. It helps US.

  9. It’s good to know there are women who understand. And we’re in this together.

    Women who don’t understand and are flippant about the pain make me want to scream.

  10. mamaliza Says:

    i’m so so sorry for the loss of your babies. i am with you on this journey. we are surviving. i lost my baby boy at 38 weeks a year ago. sending you love.

  11. Donnieboy Says:

    Just wanted to drop you a line to say, I enjoy reading your site. I thought about starting a blog myself but don’t have the time.
    Oh well maybe one day…. 🙂

  12. So sorry you have had to wear these shoes too. My first baby son Jack was stillborn at 35 weeks and a part of my heart will always ache with the pain of losing him. Well done for articulating your pain so well.

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