It’s not me. IT’S NOT ME!

October 15, 2008

I came to the conclusion last night that the strangeness between me and my mother is not me.  It’s her, it’s all her.  My mom came to spend the night at my house last night because she was flying out to San Diego this morning.  I told her we would have dinner and see “Nights in Rodanthe.”  She called at 3:30 to say that she was on her way.  It takes about 3 hours to here from her house so that would be perfect.  The movie started at 7:45pm, we had time to eat and see the movie, no problem.  I was looking forward to seeing her.  I had a nice little inter-dialogue with myself that I was happy to see her, that I would be nice and not quick to anger or be offended.  I would be compassionate.

She walked in the front door at 6:30pm and flopped down on the couch and “said, well, you don’t have to worry about me coming by, I’ll never do that again.”  No hug, nothing.  “Okay,” I said, “what’s wrong?”  She looked at me and said, “that was the worst drive ever.  This is so out of the way, all the way out here.”

Hubby and I live in the suburbs of Raleigh.  It’s not the close suburbs but it’s what we could afford when we were buying a house.  It was the difference between a 2 bedroom with no land and a 3 bedroom with a fenced yard on about a quarter of an acre.  We worked hard to buy this house.  We wanted a house for a long time and with no help from either set of parents, we bought this house on our own.  It’s a nice house.  I love my house.

While repeating in my head, “happy thoughts, smiling thoughts,” I said, “well, I am glad you made it.  Would you like a glass of water or the bathroom?”  She still had not commented on the house or the Halloween decorations in the front.  I have some serious Halloween decorations out front.

After the restroom, she said, “well, are you going to give me a tour or what?’ 

Okay…… I did.  I showed her to the guest room/Hubby’s office.  We have a really nice futon (not a contradiction, I assure you) in the office.  I had already made it up for her.  First thing she says?  “It’s really hot in here.  I thought you had a 3 bedroom house.”

Lovely.  Great.  I said, “I do have a 3 bedroom house, do you want me to get your stuff out of the car?” 

What I wanted to say was, “Yes, I have a 3 bedroom house but one of the rooms that is chalked to the walls with baby furniture, car seat, clothes (remember people, I had two of everything…) and that room, well, that’s supposed to be the nursury for my twin boys but really, I had totally forgotten about that room so thanks for reminding me because I don’t walk passed it everyday, touch the door and wish like hell it was filled with two screaming boys.  You are right, I totally forgot about that room.”

We went to dinner, skipped the movie, came home, she said two words to Hubby and went to bed.  No hug, nothing.

So I went in there gave her a hug and said, “have a nice trip, I will see you when you get back” – Hubby was taking her to the airport as I wouldn’t have gotten to work on time if I took her – she never asks when we can take her to the airport, she just books her flight.  She gave me a hug and said “goodnight.”

I made a point to get up this morning and make sure I said “goodbye” and give her a hug.  I am just so relieved to know that it’s not me.  It’s really not me.  It’s her.  She’s unhappy.

And that’s not my fault.


2 Responses to “It’s not me. IT’S NOT ME!”

  1. Maricel Says:

    How old is your Mom? I’m sorry to hear she’s kinda “bitchy.” Well, maybe you’re right, she’s unhappy.

  2. KB Says:

    Yup. Not you. There isn’t much we can do about our moms who are less than what we’d like them to be except love them for what they are and let them go do their thing and move on to do our own – finding people who are what we want and need in relationships – being who we can be to others in return.

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