I Drank The Kool-Aid…

September 14, 2009

So Hubby and I found out on Friday that we were in for the orientation at the adoption center on Saturday.  We were pleased to see a same-sex couple at the orientation and two potential single parents…made me very happy since a lot of adoption agencies are not inclusive of people of different religions and lifestyles.  I don’t want to be a part of something that excludes….But this agency is a non-profit that handles only open adoptions.  Their policy seems to be no judgments on birth mothers or adoptive parents.  That is the kind of organization I want to support…

I think that Hubby and I had this notion of what an open adoption is and that was making us apprehensive about going that route.  We’ve all seen the dramas on TV, particularly, the LifeTime Channel, right?  Birth mother is a crack addict with no money and she wants to hand over her baby to you – for the right price , of course – and then 6 months later, comes back and says, I want to be a part of MY baby’s life and you will let me or I will get MY baby back.  Yeah, no.  That’s not even close to the truth.  This agency is all about the counseling and the planning.  They counsel everyone – birth mother, birth father, adoptive parents…I loved that they really work with the birthmother about her feelings of loss and grief when she leaves the hospital without her baby.  I know what it feels like to go to the hospital pregnant and come home with no baby.  I would never want another woman to feel that much pain and hurt. 

There would be a planning session about what type of open adoption we can agreed to – could be pictures and notes, birthday parties, monthly dinners, phone calls….it’s really about give and take and what we are comfortable with.  I came to the realization that because I want a baby so badly, I can’t imagine not wanting to spend every single second with my baby and that’s what I was a afraid a birth mother would feel.  The counselor said that oftentimes, the problems becomes not enough contact because the birth mother sees that the adoptive parents are good and loving people and the baby is safe and cared for so they begin to pull away to live their own life.  Most of the birth mothers are between 18-24 and are in school or working full time.  I like that she will always have the option of knowing what’s going on in the baby’s life though and not wondering what has become of the child.

It was not all sunshine and roses though (and I’m not even talking about the money).  They try hard to get good matches for adoptive parents but sometimes they fall through.  I think that will be tough for us emotionally.  The counselor said that we can’t think of them as “failed adoptions,” just bad “first dates….”  Easier said than done for someone who hasn’t suffered numerous miscarriage and the death of twin boys.

And yes, I told the group about our boys.  I spoke of our loss and it was hard and maybe not the right thing to do but I did.  I can’t think about adding another baby to our family without acknowledging the babies we have already.  Right or wrong, good or bad, that’s how I feel.

I can honestly say, after that orientation, I wouldn’t do anything but an open adoption and I probably won’t go anywhere else to do it.

Now, stay tuned as Surviving Baby and Hubby rob a bank….just kidding…not really…no, I am…or not….


7 Responses to “I Drank The Kool-Aid…”

  1. Amy Says:

    Sounds like you gained alot of great info! yeah!

  2. Kelly Says:

    I’m glad that you got to attend the session and that you got such a good vibe! I know what you mean about being happy to see same-sex couples and singles in the audience. We didn’t see that until our third info session, and that’s the agency we chose to work with.

  3. Christy W Says:

    I am so glad that you got to go!!!!! I also love that this an agency you feel comfortable with, should you choose adoption. I know that money is the really big issue here, but I’m so glad that you at least feel comfortable with this agency and the idea of open adoption. I am grateful to learn more about it-I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately and it’s nice to know that my pre judgements about open adoption were wrong.

  4. iamstacey Says:

    It’s so good to hear that positive vibe! You feel good about all this, and it really comes through! I’m so excited for ya’ll, I can’t wait to hear about your experiences and who you all will be matched with. It’s really exciting!

  5. Michele Says:

    I am so glad that you had a good experience. This is great news!

  6. Lori Says:

    I’ve been drinking the kool-aid for 8+ years. Sometimes WITH my daughter’s birthmom!

    It really can be a win-win situation if the adoption is done ethically, without coercion, and through free will on the firstparent’s part and fear-resolving on the adoptive parents’ part.

    Best wishes to you. I have feeling you are going to have a wonderful story.

  7. Jaded Says:

    even though you are leaning toward trying w/your hubby i am glad you went anyway and go information. i think it is always to be over informed than not enough.

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