Cost/Benefit Analysis

September 10, 2009

Hubby and I had our weekly session with the therapist last night.  We talked about how I was done with the Clomid and Hubby voiced his concern that because I said I was done with the Clomid that I was giving up on everything all together.  Would I move on to injectables?  Would I see another RE, maybe someone over at Duke?  He was very upset with me when I said I would but I know they can’t do anything for me.  He thinks I’m being negative and giving up.  I’m not, I swear it.

There is nothing that anyone can do for my translocated chromosome that has a better chance of producing a living baby than us trying to conceive naturally.  IVF with PGD has only a 20% success rate.  We do better than that on our own.  There is egg donation but that is $17,000 and I have no idea how much insurance would cover and what if that doesn’t work?  Success rate there is like in the 30s, I think…That would mean REALLY no money for adoption because we put our whole basket in with the eggs…

That being said, I requested an appointment with Duke Fertility Clinic.  I don’t even DARE to hope that someone there would attempt to think outside the box, using that two hundred thousand dollar education to try and come up with another possible solution.  I have a feeling they are going to tell us, “you can’t change genetics.”  That is, if they are even up to speed with what RBT is…I’m tired of educating people who are supposed to be specialists in this field about what the hell is wrong with me….from now on, I direct them to my blog…I’ll go with an open mind for Hubby.

I guess what I am saying is that I’m finally resigned to sit back and just continue to do what we have been doing.  I can’t see running around trying to make something happen with all of this outside medical intervention when that’s not what got us the boys.  Me and Hubby, we made the boys.  No one else.  Just us.  I’ve accepted that no one is going to make this happen but me and Hubby.  No one has the magic pill, no one has the perfect egg, no one has a check for $15,000.  I have great friends who are supportive and understanding and I’m so grateful for them but in the end, no one is going to hand me what I want – a baby with Hubby.

But do not be mistaken, that doesn’t mean I’m giving up.  In fact, it’s the complete opposite of giving up.  I’m doing an emotional cost/benefit analysis.  I can throw my hope behind Hubby and I.  I can’t throw it behind Dr. S, UNC, Clomid, IVF, egg donation, Duke  or anyone else….I’ve got limited amounts of hope and there is just not enough to go around…

I choose me and Hubby.


5 Responses to “Cost/Benefit Analysis”

  1. Kelly Says:

    I commend you for making your choice, and I totally understand that you are not giving up. DH and I made the same decision – that our odds were better without assistance than with. We also did a cost/benefit analysis and weren’t willing (or able) to put tens of thousands of dollars into treatments with such low success rates or to make the emotional investments either. Good for you for making the appointment with Duke as well. It can’t hurt to have a conversation with them – you never know.

  2. Erin Says:

    Yeah, I’ve been educating fertility specialists on our BT too lately. Not too comforting. We, on the insistance of my husband, are not even DISCUSSING our options for a few months. Which kind of is rubbing me the wrong way. Maybe therapy would be a good option for us, because right now our response to a hard decision is to avoid it all together. Certainly no baby in that.

  3. iamstacey Says:

    I like your confidence and belief in you and your hubby. I hope he understands that your faith is in the two of you together, and that doesn’t mean you’re giving up at all!

  4. Michele Says:

    Sending you big hugs… You guys have to do what feels right to you… That is the best that you can do. And the best for you.

  5. Jaded Says:

    this is a great post. i am in the same boat. There is no pre-implantation diagnosis protocol for meckel-gruber syndrome – so IVF is out. adoption is out because i would consider donor sperm instead (for my unique situation) and with our odds of have a meckel free baby being 75% – i don’t think we are ready for donor sperm. So we are currently ttc on our own.

    It’s all about the breakdown.

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