Contentment – A Word from Kate Gosselin

August 24, 2009

So I had a strange experience on Saturday – one that made me question some peoples’ parenting choices and also made me wonder when I do finally get another baby, if I will forget what it was like to want one so badly.

So to set the scene, my therapy dog, Quincy and I, volunteer at a local library as part of a program called, “Sit!  Stay!  Read!”  We spend an hour and a half to two hours with children who have difficulty reading and need extra practice.  The kids read to the dogs because the dogs have no judgment and it gets the kids excited about the library and books and reading.

We had been there about 30 minutes and had a couple of kids read to Quincy (he’s very popular because he’s big, shiny white and fluffy – he’s the canine version of a Panda bear and kids love him).  A girl, her sister and her mother approached us with their choices in books and ask to read to Quincy.  I said, “of course, he’d love that!”  Now Girl was about 11 years old, I think and Sister was probably 9 years old.  Girl pulled out “Multiple Bles8ings: Surviving to Thriving with Twins and Sextuplets” by Kate Gosselin.  I looked up for Mom and she appeared to have no problem with this…this book seemed a little odd for an 11 year old and a 9 year old but it’s not my place to comment on the book but I really, really wanted to.  Instead, I said that I thought it was a little long and did they have something else a little shorter.  Of course they did and pulled out “Eight Little Faces” by Kate Gosselin.  I said, “so, you guys are really interested in Jon and Kate Plus Eight?”  “Oh yes, we watched the show all the time, we are a little obsessed with them…”  Mom is shaking her head in agreement during this exchange…Alright, this seems like a strange show and not all that appropriate for pre-teen girls butl, I can’t argue that “Eight Little Faces” was too long because it’s essentially a picture book with a couple of words of encouragement from Kate Gosselin, so we got started….

Girl flipped to the middle and started reading about…..contentment.  Kate Gosselin was “writing” a quick, touchy-feely blurb about how difficult the first couple of months with the twins and then the sextuplets were and how she was now content with where she was in her life (granted people, this was way before Jon trucked off with someone else).  She was right where God wanted her to be and that if more people sought and found contentment, they would be as happy as her.  There was more to it but those words are what struck me….

I don’t have contentment.  I don’t have peace.  I feel like it’s easy for people who have what they most desire to say, if “you find contentment and peace, you will get what you want most.”  Now I don’t know Kate Gosselin’s struggle with infertility and I am sympathetic to that struggle but it seems to me, she more than anyone would know that contentment and peace don’t get you a baby.  She was lucky.  She could afford IVF.  All of her babies lived and are seemingly healthy.  She seems to have forgotten what it’s like to be on this side of the pregnancy test line.  And what’s worse, “writing” a book telling someone, “if you believe it, you will conceive” is just kind of mean…

I wonder, will I forget how bad this loss and this wait has hurt me when I finally get my baby?


5 Responses to “Contentment – A Word from Kate Gosselin”

  1. iamstacey Says:

    You won’t forget. Having your baby will bring a lot of joy and contentment into your life, but you’ll always remember how hard it was and always remember your boys, of course.

    And you know, even though she was content, if you read Jon’s side he was never happy with having that many kids. He was ready to be done when the twins were born. I don’t think I could be really content if my DH wasn’t happy, too.

    I don’t think you should feel bad about wanting to keep TTC as you also try to adopt. You may choose to take some time off TTC right after your adopted baby comes home – just due to lack of time – but why not keep up with it while you’re waiting for your adopted baby, too? I think you have the right idea!

  2. Michele Says:

    I hear you…

    On another note, they didnt do IVF; they conceived via IUI. I was surprised by this but in an interview I happened to see part of. I dont watch the show, but I was surprised by that answer.

  3. Kate Says:

    How strange! I did not know Kate was an author.

    Yeah, I heard they conceived via IUI as well.

    I think its easy for someone at the end of the road to say things like that about peace and contentment. I’ve read stories of IF survivors who have children and they say that the bitterness and pain of the past washes off once you reach the other side. Thats not to say the pain of the loss of your boys will wash away, but this IF part, apparently it washes away.

    I sure hope so, not there yet myself.

  4. emilythehopeless Says:

    i don’t see how anything could completely erase what we’ve gone through.. but hopefully time and hopefully parenthood will quiet the pain.

    “what’s worse, “writing” a book telling someone, “if you believe it, you will conceive” is just kind of mean…”

    it’s horribly mean!!!

  5. stacey Says:

    This is a very thought-provoking post. I feel like I’ve been hurt many times by people who have made it to the “other side” of infertility and then try to comfort me with what feels like empty promises. Another person’s success does not guarantee my own! It’s my hope that, if I ever make it there, I won’t easily forget where I’ve been and what it felt like. Certainly it would be great/fulfilling/rewarding to reach the dream of having children, but experiences like these do change us. Thinking of you.

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