Rooting for Me

July 10, 2009

This is a bit of a followup to yesterday’s post.  When I got home last night, there was a package from a friend – a fellow Sigma Kappa – who makes jewelry (actually, it’s funny because I have two friends who are Sigma Kappas and make jewelry – this is “B”).  She had responded to my cry for a need for something to change my luck, cleanse my aura, whatever and she made me 2 necklaces and a bracelet.  One necklace is amber with amethyst, the other is moonstone with a matching bracelet.  Each type of stone has a meaning but really, what I wanted to talk about was the the spirit of the pieces themselves.

See, I forget, I have people rooting for me.  Everyday, countless people root for me.  I have a keychain that K gave me marking the year anniversary of when the boys were born that I look at daily and know, she is hoping and wishing that things will be good for me.  She’s on my team.  I have people like G, who read yesterday’s post and say, “oh, looks like we need a lunch, how’s next week?”  I know that I am often in her thoughts.  People like my West Coast K, who sends notes almost weekly, just checking in and always knows the right thing to say.  People like B who make lovely, lovely things to reverse my bad “mojo” and whether it works or not (and I do beleive these things work), I wear this necklace today and know that she is rooting for me.

For me, it’s still a struggle to get up in the morning.  It’s hard to face the day knowing that your children died and I don’t know any other way to say that to people.  It’s hard and that may seem obvious but unless you live it, you have no idea how hard.  These little things, along with the intense love that I have for Hubby and that I know he has for me, they help me remember that people are rooting for me, they help me get up and go on.

So does that mean I’m coming out of hiding? 

Yes, but slowly. 

And on my own terms.

You still won’t see me at a baby show anytime soon.


6 Responses to “Rooting for Me”

  1. Kelly Says:

    And then you have people like me, who don’t know you IRL but can relate to a portion of what you’re going through, who are also rooting for you! Glad to hear you’re feeling a tiny bit better.

  2. Kate Says:

    I will never pretend to know the pain you are feeling, but my heart breaks for you. You do have people rooting for you. I’m rooting for you too.

  3. iamstacey Says:

    Cheering you on!! 🙂

  4. Rooting for you too! I’m so glad for you, that your friend’s gift has given you a boost. Peace.

  5. Andi Says:

    I am a Sigma Kappa and stumbled upon this blog post today while using Google blog search for my national volunteer position. It touched me very deeply, as I have been where you are now. It was ten years ago today (yes, today…I don’t believe in coincidences) that I delivered my stillborn daughter, and almost died in the process. I was stunned at the insensitive things that people said and did – in a checkout line just a few weeks after the delivery, a lady in front of me was complaining about how stressed she was. Politely making conversation, I said “I understand. I’ve been pretty stressed lately myself.” She turned on me and asked if I had any children. I quietly said “no” with a sick feeling in my belly. She promptly blurted out “If you don’t have any children then you can’t possibly know what stress is!!!” I would have preferred that she punch me in the face. To this day, I regret not telling her my story – it might have made her appreciate her children just a tiny bit more.

    It is now ten years later. I have a beautiful six year old daughter now – my only child – so in many ways my dreams did finally come true. Sadly, my daughter has cerebral palsy after being born 10 weeks early. So…I have had to adjust my dreams once again. It has been a tough road, but you, like I, will survive it.

  6. Jaded Says:

    DO YOUR THING!…on your own terms.
    as for me…i wouldn’t be caught dead at a baby shower…

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