Father’s Day Faux Pas?

June 23, 2009

So I think I may have inadvertently hurt Hubby this weekend.  We went camping for our anniversary and on Sunday, we hiked with the dogs up Chimney Rock.  If you haven’t been there or seen pictures, it’s lovely but it’s a climb.  We got to the top and stood admiring the view with our three doggies.  I put my arm around Hubby’s waist and leaned my head on his shoulder and whispered, “Happy Father’s Day.”  He smiled, said “thank you” and then got really quiet.  He then said, “what did you do that for?”  As I looked over, he had tears in his eyes and his cheeks were pink (could have been because it was hot but I don’t think so).  I apologized but told him that I wanted to say it and this seemed like a good time.  He hugged me and we turned to leave but he was a little quiet and distant….I worried all day if I shouldn’t have said something….

See, I want people to recognize Mother’s Day for me so I thought he would want me to recognize Father’s Day for him.  I have several amazing friends who wished me a Happy Mother’s Day both this year and last year.   You have no idea how good it feels to have someone acknowledge that you have children even if they aren’t here anymore.  It’s hard to make people understand that because they can’t comprehend that I would want to be reminded of what I lost but we have two little boys who died and it’s not fair to us to not recognize that.  A huge fear of women who lose babies is that people will forget about them – I know that is true for me.

I wanted him to know that I love him for the amazing father he is because as hard as I fought for those babies, he was right there with me.

I have big hopes that next Father’s Day will be totally different.


6 Responses to “Father’s Day Faux Pas?”

  1. rebekah Says:

    I would have done the same thing- just like you said I want to be recognized as a mother and sometimes assume everyone feels the same way I do. I’m sorry men can be hard to read (but then they say that about us too-lol).

  2. iamstacey Says:

    I think it was a beautiful gesture to acknowledge what you both have fought for and lost. You meant it with the best heart, I’m sure he knows that.

  3. Kate Says:

    You made me cry. It was so sweet for you to acknowledge this truth, but I can understand how it can also hurt. Guys tend to not want to focus on the sad stuff, so perhaps that is what made him ask why you did that. *hugs*

    Chimney Rock is amazing. We were there recently, though not Father’s Day.

  4. Kate Says:

    I meant Fixate, instead of focus. At least my husband.

  5. Maricel Says:

    Men have a different way of dealing with pain. They just keep quiet. When you greeted him “happy father’s day” it brought back memories of your twins. I feel for the both of you. Yes, I hope next year you’ll have a son or daughter in tow when you celebrate your next campiversary.

  6. Jaded Says:

    aren’t our husbands forgotten sometimes in our grief?…they suffer too – it is their loss as well. I am hoping for a wonderful and refreshing father’s day for you both next year.

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