Balanced Translocation: 1, Clomid: 0

June 10, 2009

So AF isn’t here but I’m not pregnant either (according to the very expense digital test that Hubby loving brought home last night). Day 34 and nada. I have no idea why I am taking it so hard this month. I cried on the way to fitness bootcamp (oh yes, fitness bootcamp. I’m fat and I hate the way I look. I didn’t get to breast feed away the 30 pounds I gained with the boys and depression, not such a motivator to “get up and go.” ), I cried on the way from fitness bootcamp to work, I cried in the shower at work, I cried getting ready in the bathroom. I finally stopped crying long enough to eat my diet waffles. Everyone in the office thinks I have allergies. I’m just hoping that my eyelashes don’t fall out again. I already feel bad enough about the way I look, I don’t need to have two hairless pink lizards for eyelids.

And what the F is up with my cycles. Before the Boys, my cycle was a perfect 28 days, ovulating on the day 14.  Before, you could set a Mayan fertility clock by my cycle. Now, sometimes it’s 28 days, sometimes it’s 30 days and right now, it’s 34 days so far. I’m not pregnant but no period, that just doesn’t seem fair. At what point to I call the doctor?

So I didn’t get my win this month and I am trying really hard not to feel so hopeless. I’ve told myself that I am going to allow myself to feel bad today and then start over again tomorrow. Two more months of Clomid to get pregnant and carry a baby to term. Hubby and I agreed that we will re-evaluate things after that. That doesn’t mean that we are giving up. I know that Hubby isn’t ready to give up so I am going to hang in there for as long as he is. I told him last night that it’s not going to be sunshine and roses every month. It’s not fair for anyone to expect me to bounce back after repeated losses with the optimism of an un-neutered Golden Retriever. That’s not going to happen. But I’m not giving up until we both agree.

By re-evaluate, I mean that we may need to go someplace else with my bum genes. I keep getting the impression that the folks at UNC, as nice as they are, they really don’t have any experience with people with RBT. I want a doctor who says, “okay, so we can’t do IVF with the PGD so let’s try this!” I need someone else besides Hubby and I to fight for us when we are just to tired too fight.

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11 Responses to “Balanced Translocation: 1, Clomid: 0”

  1. Kelly Says:

    It’s so disappointing. I’m so sorry this cycle was not the one for you. I have used the “my allergies are acting up” excuse so many times myself! As for your emotional response your cycle length, remember that you have introduced a medication to your body and its purpose is to affect your hormones. Your cycle is no longer comparable to previous cycles, because you have added Clomid to it. My cycles were very different on Clomid, and I was even more of an emotional basketcase than usual because of the hormonal ups and downs. Hang in there. It all sucks, I know. Just. Plain. Sucks.

  2. Kate Says:

    I’m so sorry. IT SUCKS to wait for your period when its running late. It turns the tww into a horrendous never ending cycle. I would call today to your doc and ask her if you need progesterone to jump start your cycle. That’s what I used to do. Now I’m not allowed since I have PCOS and know why my cycles are wonky.

  3. Emma Says:

    *sigh* why can’t the “2ww” be just that!? i’m so sorry you’re having to wait. i agree with kate, i’d go ahead and call the doc. maybe that will help you feel like there’s been some progress.
    i’ve put myself on a strict workout schedule and diet too. i lost 30lbs during my pregnancy (which actually was healthier) and gained it all back within a month after our babies were born. and now i look like i’m smuggling watermelons under my shirt.
    ((HUGS))

    • mkwewer Says:

      My arms like like small hams and I am sure my ankles used to belong to the Stay-Puffed Marshmallow man…sigh…

  4. Amy Says:

    I’m so sorry. It sucks. Like you, my cycle before Liam was really regular when I was off the pill. Each month 28 days, no questions. Now it is anywhere from 24 – 31. I know that emotions and stress can cause you to ovulate late, which makes AF show up later than usual (me this past month).

    Well, no words of wisdom here. Just know I am thinking of you and sending ((((hugs)))) through the screen.

    I hope your eyelashes stay put too! I had to giggle with your description of lizards for eyelids though. Not funny, at all, I know, but you have a way to make things sound funny.

    • mkwewer Says:

      It is funny, you should have seen them right after I lost the boys…they all fell out from crying so hard and they were pink and puffy…I guess more worm-like than lizard-like but oh so ugly…I have to laugh…

  5. iamstacey Says:

    My cycles are 44 days. 44!!! It sucks. Definitely call your doc, ask about Prometrium to jump-start Aunt Flo! And don’t be afraid to talk to another RE, even if it’s just a consult. Whether you stay with your current RE or go with the new one, you’ll feel better knowing you covered all the bases. And your instincts about your current care are usually right.

  6. Courtney Says:

    A friend of mine started Clomid a few months ago and her RE told her that it can elongate your cycle. So perhaps that explains why your cycle is longer than usual?

  7. Jaded Says:

    my cycles were always 28 days – i used to joke that NASA could time a launch to my cycle. after Daniella they went kind of crazy (for me). i was going for 30 and 31 days. slowly it has been going back to a more normal 28 days for me. slowly.

    i have no advice. sorry.


  8. Excellent post. Can’t wait to read more about this subject.


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