Eggs In One Basket…

May 21, 2009

Hubby admitted to the therapist last night that he already had he felt positive that this would be the month that we stay pregnant.  I have been really worried that he would pin all his hopes on the drugs increasing the number of potentially viable eggs.  I suspected that this would be the case when the doctor first prescribed them for us and I didn’t really know how to address it with him.  The drugs could definitely help us with more eggs but those eggs might not have the right genetic material to make them viable.  The therapist thinks it’s good that he is so positive (remember she’s big on positive thinking).  I’m hopeful.  Cautiously optimistic but really, I think I will be cautiously optimistic until I am actually holding our living child(ren).  I just don’t know how he will feel if this takes longer than a month to work…

In related news, the former employee who said “why do you get two and I have none?” in response to finding out I was pregnant, had her baby.  In her defense, she struggle with infertility for 3 years so I have always been happy for her and her husband (who was the anesthesiologist when I delivered the boys so I can’t stand to see him) that they have finally gotten their baby.  I did want to say, “so now you have one and I have two dead babies” to her but I’m trying to make nice-nice with the universe.*

I could really use something positive to happen to me right now.  I came back from vacation relaxed and then the reality of my current situation (i.e. continuous miscarriages) is weighing on me again.  Looming actually.  With each pregnancy announcement from people around me, I feel more and more sad and hopeless.  Hubby is stressed about work and school and the fact that my mother guilted me into watching her new dog (the other dog, Diego, died tradgically when I was in San Diego) while she is on vacation and is very grumpy and resentful.  Makes for ideal baby-making conditions…not.

Last little rant.  I swear to whatever that if one more pregnant woman bitches about the “trials” of being pregnant, I’m going to lose it.  I was pregnant, I know it’s not a walk in the park but seriously, it’s not that bad.  In fact, I would give ANYTHING to trade places with them and be hot, uncomfortable and ackward.  They can have my reality for a little while and then understand about the “trials” of having two dead babies and multiple miscarriages.

I’m really not in a bad mood, I swear it….

*I’m not really sure what I did to the universe but she is obviously pissed at me.


4 Responses to “Eggs In One Basket…”

  1. Kelly Says:

    “Cautiously optimistic” is a feeling I know well. During my last pregnancy I got quite angry that I couldn’t just feel happy like other pregnant women do, but I knew I was waiting for something bad to happen (and it did). I also hear you about pregnant women complaining about pregnancy. I often have that same feeling – that I would give anything to be in their shoes. Hang in there.

  2. Amy Says:

    See you tomorrow – we both have a lot to talk about it seems. We’ll talk fast to get it all in.

  3. Kate Says:

    *hugs* thank you for your honest posts. I cant believe someone said something like that to you. If anything she should be making “nice nice” with the universe. There is sometimes no rhyme or reason…

    I know how you feel about the hopelessness when others announce pregnancies. My brother is getting married. I should be thrilled. All I think is, what if he has a baby before me? I’ve been married seven years.

  4. Abby Says:

    The last section is so perfectly said! My head spins around when pregnant women complain. Oh,poor you fat with a baby – poor me with two in the ground is what I’d like to say!

    Think positive!!! I know it is hard, but it’s better than thinking the worst will happen.

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