I’m Back…

May 19, 2009

from the Motherland.  CA was a blast.  I visited with all my friends and family…sadly, it came to an end too quickly.  I have other news about my mother….that will need to be a separate post.

My father’s wedding was Saturday and it was lovely…hot, but lovely.  I cried on the way home thinking that my boys should have been there, what would they have worn, how would they have handled the heat…no one saw me. 

Well, if we are being honest….

I cried quite a bit this past week.  I cried thinking about getting on the plane – wishing I had the impossible task of keeping twins busy for a 6 hour flight.  I cried thinking about how they would have loved the zoo.  Again, no one saw me.  I was afraid people would think I was doing it for attention or looking for something to be sad over.  My life should be different than it is and I know I can’t change what’s happened and I am still so sad and angry and frustrated.

Sorry, this is not one of my eloquent posts.

Good news!  I did go for an ultrasound this morning – 6 happy little follicles…Those of you IVFr’s will think this is not a good number but you have to remember, I’m not taking this drug for the reasons people normally take this drug…I am doing it to increase the number of eggs in the hopes that at least one egg per cycle will have the correct amount of genetic material to be viable.  Dr. S was pleasantly surprised and continuing to stick with the program….

I actually feel hopeful for the first time in a long time. 

I might just get my healthy, living, breathing baby.


9 Responses to “I’m Back…”

  1. Frances Says:

    That is fantastic news about the 6 follicles!! And I’m so glad to hear that you are feeling hopeful. It gives me hope..

  2. brown-eyed-girl Says:

    So glad for the 6 follicles! I’m glad you’re working through your feelings. Don’t feel bad for having them. Yay you for staying hopeful through this cycle!

  3. Kate Says:

    Happy to hear the news. I went on vacation too… and the same thing happened…. its weird how strong the longing is.

  4. Karla Says:

    How could anyone think you are trying to find something to be sad about or get attention? Not at all. It speaks volumes about your progress that you can allow yourself some sad moments, yet still enjoy your father’s happiness and enjoy your vacation. That sounds encouraging about the follicles and it always puts a smile on my face when I hear hopeful news. I’m sending you all my positive thoughts!

  5. Kelly Says:

    I can see why a special family occasion like that would bring back memories or make you think of the plans you had with your boys. 6 follicles is great! I never had more than 2 (and usually only 1 was mature) on Clomid. Think of all of those chances for a good embryo!

  6. Abby Says:

    Whst sad days… I am so sorry you feel this way. It is our reality and I don’t feel like it will ever go away.

    Congrats on the follicles!!! I will keep my fingers crossed~!!!

  7. Abby Says:

    Whst sad days… I am so sorry you feel this way. It is our reality and I don’t feel like it will ever go away.

    Congrats on the follicles!!! I will keep my fingers crossed!!!

  8. Jaded Says:

    i’m pulling for you.

  9. Christy Says:

    I’m not familiar with IVF, but I’m glad that you’re happy and I am sending positive thoughts your way-
    It’s sort of ironic how you even grieve what everyone complains about-I think about how hard it would be to have twins here all the time, but it’s still the only thing in the world l want. Today we are having someone come over to assess our house and I’m wondering how creeped out he is going to be by the nursery with two cribs, a changing table, and two gliders all set-up, ghost town style and there are no babies around and though I still look pregnant-ish, he’d better not ask me when I’m due or I will punch him.

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