March 17, 2009

So I am back on the anti-depressants.  I feel like I didn’t have a choice.  I couldn’t continue to be so angry and emotionally unstable.  It was beginning to worry me that it would jeopardize my relationship with Hubby.  It takes a little while for them to kick in but I do feel better, it’s more than likely psychological…ha!  It’s all psychological, right?

Trip to PA was fine and actually fun.  SIL did come on Saturday night but it was fine.  After the first hour of everyone stopped staring at me to see if I burst would into tears or flames or a million little pieces of licorice and we moved on.  Babies like me, they smile at me, want me to pick them up and hold them.  However, right now, my MO is to ignore them.  Seems cold and callous right?  Well, that’s what I need to do to get through the day.  Everyone else just needs to deal with it.

Can you tell that I am working on my people-pleasing issues?  Usually, I want to make everyone happy, I want to like everyone, I want everyone to like me.  I’m starting to care less and less about what people think and their opinions.  I am not in anyway going to be rude or nasty because that’s not the way Momma raised me (however, let this be a warning to all around me: the next person who tells me to “relax” or “not to worry, it will happen” gets my size 8 1/2 up their behind).

That being said, I would really like to thank everyone who sent lovely notes, cards and gifts last week.  It really did help to know that people were thinking of me, Hubby and the boys.  I appreciate it and recognize all my wonderful friends.

Hubby and I have been getting along really well.  There was no arguing about sex, we’ve been having fun and laughing.  I feel like I am back to being his wife and not the shell of the person I was on April 7th.  That makes me very happy.


5 Responses to “Drugs”

  1. KB Says:

    I won’t tell you to relax b/c I don’t like being told that either. What about some tequila and a trip to Adult Mart? We also do this thing where we each individually write love requests (husband examples: “extended foot rub” & “Show me your boobs” wife example: “Hold my hand when we walk around the block”) – so we write all these little love requests on cute note paper, put them into a vase and then randomly pull each other’s requests and make it happen sometimes throughout the week. Some of our requests are funny – some are naughty – some are just plain sweet. It has helped make things fun again which is SO important!

  2. hisaak Says:

    I am glad to here about the anti-depressants. As much as it felt like a failure to me when I finally went on them, it really was exactly what I needed in order to be able to concentrate on healing – not just on reigning in my anger and anxiety.

  3. amy Says:

    I hope the addition of meds helps. The sun shine helps too doesn’t it? At least today maybe?

  4. Jaded Says:

    and it makes me very happy as well that you are feeling better and having fun with the hubster. about the anti-depressants: whatever it takes to get you through it. and about not being ‘nice’ to people or worrying about them as much, well I gave the middle finger (figuratively speaking) to quite a few people a long while ago and i feel great. it was mostly to people who did not support me.
    well i am glad you are ‘back’.

  5. Amy Says:

    I can’t seem to find your email address, so I’m leaving this here. I am off today, Friday, and will be running errands. I can’t stop by Starbucks around 1 if you think you’ll be there today. Let me know! I did not get your offer for coffee yesterday until I got home from work around 8pm. Sorry!

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