How The Hell Did I Get Here?

February 3, 2009

So Dr. S just called.  Apparently she does not share the same philosophy as her colleague.  She would like to perform a Hysteroscopy.  That would mean putting me under, inserting a camera into my uterus through the cervix, checking for the polyps and if they are in fact there, zapping them with a laser.  I would be out in of surgery in about an hour but would be down for the count for the rest of the weekend.  She did give me the option of another Hydrosonogram but then, if the polyps were there, we’d have to schedule the zapping at some point anyway.  I’m all about efficient use of time off from work, let’s just get it all done at once.

My question is, how the hell did I get to this point?  What happened to “let’s have a baby” and “oh I am pregnant” and “oh it’s twins” and “oh we are so lucky” to “I’ve cried so much my eyelashes haven’t fallen out – twice!” and “I’m so sad that I can’t stand myself” to “let’s schedule a photo shoot with my uterus.” 

Did you ever see that episode of “Grey’s Anatomy” where the girl has some condition where she falls and breaks bones.  She’s to the point where she can’t even leave the house because she’s so afraid of breaking something else and she’s just given up a relationship with a guy that she’s convinced was “the one” because she’s scared to have another broken bone.  The whole time she just looks up at the sky and shakes her fists and yells, “OH COME ON!”

I’m done.  I give up.  I can’t do this anymore.  It’s just too much. 



10 Responses to “How The Hell Did I Get Here?”

  1. Cindy Says:

    I’m so sorry. Sending you hugs!

  2. Courtney Says:

    Wow. I’m sorry that you didn’t get the news you wanted. I’m new to your blog and am overwhelmed by all you have been through and how you just keep going. I’m hoping and praying that this long, hard journey has a happy ending (and soon!).

  3. iambrowneyedgirl Says:

    I’m so sorry things are taking such a crappy turn for the worse. I’m glad that you’re getting great medical care though. Hang in there! Drop me a line if you want to chat.

  4. TheMrs Says:

    Oh yeah, it definitely makes you want to say “OH COME ON!” But don’t give up.

    I am so sorry and it does suck, but the procedure really isn’t that bad. You’ll be in and out and you won’t have too much discomfort afterward.

    Big hug and lots of prayers for you!

  5. Amy Says:

    Never easy is it? I am sorry the universe feels so heavy and impossible right now. All I can do is send love and support your way.

  6. Frances Says:

    Dammit! I hate that this is happening to you!!
    keep your chin up. LYGLD.

  7. whataboutmyeggs Says:

    I’ve seen that episode, but the end when they do find out what’s wrong with her, she ends up going to Denver to be with the man. She gets her happy ending and you will too. I just think, unfortunately some of us have to take the long route. We have to endure the crazy tests, whacky docs, shed some tears..but its all to help you find out what’s wrong. Just stay strong.

  8. Karla Says:

    I’m sure if this had happened two years ago, it would be a relatively small deal, but it probably feels like insult added to injury added to injustice added to TOO MUCH. I want you to know people are thinking of you and that you will get through this. I know you feel like giving up, but others are not giving up on you. We love you. Hang in there.

  9. Melissa C. Says:

    I’m sorry to hear that. I’ll be keeping you in my prayers. Hugs to you

  10. Jaded Says:

    Shi!, I am so pissed off for you, but please take comfort in the comment above that you’ll be in and out.

    thinking of you big time.

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