Proactive Me.

January 8, 2009

Went to the doctor yesterday for the “annual” exam.  I joke that I’m like a smoke detector, I need to be checked out around New Year’s because otherwise I forget and the house might burn down.  The lady parts are fine.  We have been referred to an RE for additional testing.  I think it’s a waste of time because the source of our miscarriages is the translocated chromosome but can’t hurt to rule out other things too, right?  I have embraced the fact that while 2/3 of my pregnancies will fail, 1/3 will not.  I have had 3 pregnancies, 2 have failed and 1 has not (for the genetic issue anyway).  I’m basically back to the beginning.  New year, new slate, new pregnancies.

And we see a therapist on Friday afternoon.

And the diet started Monday.  I need to lose the remaining 15 pounds that is leftover from the twins.  I have had this attitude of “oh well, it won’t matter because I will be pregnant again soon and then I can be as fat and unhealthy as I want to be.”  Wrong.  My blood pressure was 139/78 yesterday.  My blood pressure is never over 118/68.  Could have been the argument with Hubby the night before, the fact that I didn’t sleep well, that going to UNC makes me anxious in general or that I took some Benedryl to help me sleep but I wasn’t pleased with the number I saw when I stepped on the scale either.  Hanging on to the weight is not going to make it any easier to conceive and while getting pregnant isn’t the issue, why make it the issue, you know?  I lost 15 pounds right before I got pregnant with the twins and I loved the way I looked.

I have developed some bad habits over the past month or so.  I could chalk it up to the holidays but I have been drinking a hot chocolate from Starbucks just about 4 times a week, skipping the gym, eating meat, and snacking on candy and cookies with regularity.  I found out yesterday that those hot chocolates I love from Starbucks (the Signature Hazlenut Hot Chocolate is my favorite), despite being made with non-fat milk – has 650 calories.  That’s right, 650 calories.  A simple switch to a non-fat, sugar-free vanilla latte (decaf, of course!) is a savings of 450 calories right there! 

So cutting back on calories, no more meat, lots of veggies, back to swimming 3 times a week and Kelly has offered to go to yoga on Wednesday nights instead of mid-day (remember? I can’t deal with the pregnant yoga teacher so I just stopped going) is the plan.  Yoga and swimming will make me feel better and losing weight will boost my self-esteem.

So moving ahead trying to get me back.

Hell, I sound almost normal, don’t I?



5 Responses to “Proactive Me.”

  1. Frances Says:

    What’s normal anyway… quite boring I say. You’ll kick that 15 pounds ass! I like hearing you talk this way, I hope to hear more of it.

  2. Melissa C Says:

    Way to go!!! Maybe that will inspire me to do the same and get back on the health track again!!! Will be praying that it all goes according to your plans, and hope that I can follow mine to 🙂
    Can’t wait to hear about your progress – you inspire me by sharing your story. Thanks

  3. Jaded Says:

    ahhhh…almost normal for a deadbabymomma. Girl I have 15 lbs…more like 15lbs x 5=! (me and my math equations…)
    I was so onboard with all you were saying about taking care of your health…and than you described your favorite hot chocolate and I was like ‘mmmm’. My train of thought got totally derailed.
    I TOTALLY know how you feel about having the odds against you. They are a hard demon to face and yet, you are focusing on your chances of success…
    I should try that….As you may know I have a 1 in 4 chance of a recurrence of the meckel gruber syndrome as well as as my crappy cervix.
    good times…

  4. Jaded Says:

    I meant 15 lbs to lose
    15 lbs x 5…
    (i need to double check my spelling more often)

  5. Amy Says:

    Hi Martha,

    I am glad you found my blog site. Another NC mama. Most of my bereavement friends are far, far away.

    Good luck with your workout plan. I lost my baby weight from simply not being able to eat. I dropped 25 pounds or so in just a couple weeks. Not a good way, but I couldn’t help it. I would get so frustrated when people would comment on how “good” I looked last Fall. I told them it was amazing what the grief diet could do (emotional NON eater). Ugh. Working out helped me to release the inner rage and intense sadness last winter too, which dropped the remaining weight. It was bitter sweet to watch the pounds disappear though.

    Good luck with your plan, and I hope it helps you feel better both physically and emotionally. Yoga is so good! It kicks my butt every time.

    Nice to “meet” you!


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