Work Rant

October 28, 2008

Have I mentioned that I don’t really like my job?  I can’t really find anything else to do (although I have a ton of things that I would like to be employed doing but they require more or different education or a connection into state government that I don’t seem to have) so I just stick this out.  The work is a little tedious which I could live with if the atmosphere was fun.  It’s not.  I don’t really like the people I work with.  Scratch that, I don’t really know the people I would with.  It’s nothing like my old job.  I loved those girls, still do.  We don’t socialize, I am never invited to lunch, I have a couple of conversations with one woman on a weekly basis but other than that….nothing.  I once went a whole day and the only thing I said to anyone was “Good Morning…”

And then there is the paralegal whose daughter had a baby in May, one month after I lost Baby B and she doesn’t work so she is in the office with the baby regularly.  And her mother sits across from my office.  I can’t get up and shut the door because that would be rude but I can’t stand to hear, “oh what a pretty little girl” over and over again.  Apparently no one thinks this would bother me.  And I think that’s what bothers me the most, particularly since this paralegal lost a son when he was just days old.  You’d think she’d be conscious of this.  Or she is and just doesn’t care.

No one asks me how I am doing, how I am feeling?  No one acknowledges when they see me running to the bathroom with tears coming down my face or my eyes are obviously red from crying.  It’s weird because they were super-supportive when I was in the hospital and then home on bedrest but now it’s like they have forgotten. 

Maybe they have.

If this were a better economic market, I would look for a new job but with little savings (thanks to six weeks of procedures and bedrest), medical bills being paid off and Hubby just now getting paid for full-time work, it’s not a good idea.  Plus, when I do get pregnant again in the next month or two (fingers crossed), I don’t want to be starting a new job and then bailing in 9 months for maternity leave.  I would love to save some money during my pregnancy and then find a new job while out on maternity leave.  I don’t see that happening though.

This just seems like another part of my life that I can’t seem to get right.


5 Responses to “Work Rant”

  1. Frances Says:

    Don’t sell yourself short. Perhaps you can use this time to help take care of the pre-requisites that will position you for a job you want. Stay at your current job until your next maternity leave (my fingers are crossed as well) And then make the move. Focusing on doing what you need to do for your next job might be a welcome distraction.

  2. whataboutmyeggs Says:

    Frances is right you know?? Maybe you can turn your focus to finding the right position for you, and then the rest will fall into place. Maybe a new job would have better maternity plans anyway.

  3. jaded Says:

    i have always said that i hope i forget everything but my sensitivity to other deadbaby mommas when i finally have a child. I’m sorry about the job situation, even though i am looking for work (and desperate) i really get it. my last job was hell and my boss was the one with the pointed ears and the pitchfork. it was hell on earth, but i hoped (like you) to stick it out for another pregnancy…and then i got unfairly let go…
    and the plans changed….
    i think your plans to hang tight due to the economy and your husband starting to get fulltime $$$ are on point.

  4. KB Says:

    Ditto, buddy, ditto. I am in job limbo too, meaning, I have a job and it is OK, I would like to feel like I LOVE my job and perhaps I could love my job if the atmosphere were “more fun” – I get that! I think it is possible to do very serious work (being a lawyer or a teacher) and yet still find time for fun in the workplace. Too bad not everyone feels like us.

    I would like to change my job situation too and feel frustrated w/ it, but as you said, need the $, esp w/ the uncertainty of the economy. I am sticking it out so that I don’t have the added stress of new job on top of just thinking about and then actually getting pregnant again. That’s going to be stressful enough! So… hang in there – I’m doing my best to hang in there too. Like everything else for us, we’ll hang in there together.

    Sometimes, I write a daily gratitude about my job and sometimes it is really lame like, “Pays the bills” – but – whatever it takes to get me through, you know. I can’t be all Lovey Dovey about my job every day. And give yourself a break about feeling like you can’t get it right. I feel like that quite often too, but try to remind myself that nobody actually has it figured out, either they are just faking to try and make themselves believe it or they are just boring. Some of the most interesting people are still trying to “figure out what they want to be when they grow up” and working to “get it right.” Consider yourself Interestig. Try to enjoy and trust the journey. I will too!

  5. Freda Says:

    I feel for you…I know what it means to not be happy with your job. And it may not even be the work. It’s so important to have friendships at work…it makes it so much more tolerable.

    I left a good job because I was lonely. Bottom line. I need human connection and friendships. I’m so in the right profession. Some days I get TOO MUCH human connection; some days my students make me smile when I’m down the most.

    Maybe looking, just looking, for another job may bring some unexpected light to your day. Doesn’t mean you have to pursue, but knowing you could when you’re ready.

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