Brown Chicken, Brown Cow

October 14, 2008

It’s that time again.  It’s time to try and knock up this Giant Panda.*  Under the watchful eyes of Freda the Fertility Goddess, we are backing to baby-making this week.  I wonder if my poor hubby thinks, “crap, I gotta put out like every night this week…jeez, that’s a lot of sex…”  Nah.

Have you ever gone on the Internet and looked up the phrase, “trying to conceive”?  It’s amazing the advice that comes up.  “Don’t ‘do it’ every day” vs. “do ‘do it’ every day and sometimes twice a day unless you have sperm issues and then don’t do it every day,” or “it’s not necessary to put your knees up” vs. “you should put your knees up for at least 30 minutes.” And my favorite, “don’t think about making a baby while having sex” vs. “you should be picturing your perfect little baby while having sex, inviting that baby to come and be a part of your lives…”  Really? 

And then there is the drink water-don’t drink caffeine-swig Robitussin-don’t take decongestants-no junk food-only veggies (great so I am blotted and gassy for sex…fun!) advice sites.  And let’s not talk about the sites that have decided if you are anywhere in the neighborhood of 35, you are screwed (literally and figurative) in terms of making a little bundle of joy…What’s a girl to do (besides have sex)?

You already know that OPKs make me nutso so I have decided to put a moratorium on myself in terms of searching the Internet.  No more.  Every time I start to go for the mouse and click my way into crazy, I am putting a dollar into a jar.  I must stop the madness.

The only thing I need to have a baby is my husband and my eggs.  Everybody here?  Present and accounted for?  Good.  I have everything I need.

Happy Brown Chicken, Brown Cow to the rest of you.

* You a little concerned about all the animal references?  Yeah, me too.


4 Responses to “Brown Chicken, Brown Cow”

  1. KB Says:

    Good idea bout the $. I’m going to do that whenever I look up freaky preeclampsia stuff on the internet. I’ll be rich either way: money in my purse or money in the jar!

  2. tntstanifer Says:

    hehe, don’t look up egg whites and TTC then. You don’t wanna know. You and hubby just love each other, that’s enough.

  3. Freda Says:

    Really? Freda the Fertility Goddess? Is there such a thing?

    How strange that you’ve wrote Brown Chicken, Brown Cow. Why? My kids have been saying this for the past month…

  4. elmcitymom Says:

    oh man, i’m in the same boat. we’re on the every other day for 10 days method this month. i try not to read about it because it will make me crazy, crazier then i already am. what a road we’re on. ugh.

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