Two In My Heart…

September 26, 2008

Well, I think I have solved one of my many problems….

Those of us who have lost babies struggle with what to say when someone says, “do you have kids?”  This is incredibly hard to answer because, yes, we do but they died.  As soon as I say to you, “I was pregnant with twin boys but I lost them,” my relationship with you is forever changed.  If I say, “no, I don’t,” I feel crappy because I want to acknowledge my boys not lie about what happened.  I carried them for 22 weeks and I gave birth to them and I love them and I miss them and I ache for them every minute of every day.  And since most people are inherently nosy, I know that I will continually face this dilemma.

My policy before had been to be honest.  Screw you if you felt bad for me or guilty for asking or if you didn’t want to talk about my loss, that’s your damage not mine.  I looked at the act of being honest as an act of courage.  Everytime I told my story, I healed a little bit and I honored their memory.  But I always hated telling a nosy stranger about my boys.  It does take a lot out of me to talk about them.  I’m exhausted after talking about them with someone who needs the whole story.  Hell you guys (well, most of you) don’t even know their names and we talk about my adventures in cervical mucus.  Doesn’t seem right to share something so intimate with a nosy stranger.  And it’s hard on me.

My solution came when I was talking to another blogger who feels she failed at being a mother.  I told her that she couldn’t have failed because her baby was in her heart and soon she would have another baby in her hands.  That’s when it hit me.  That was my answer.

So ask me.  Go ahead and ask me if I have kids.  Here is my answer:

“Yes, I do, I have two babies in my heart.”

And I can’t wait to have one in my hands.

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4 Responses to “Two In My Heart…”

  1. Frances Says:

    Absolutely Brilliant! I Love It. Just a fantastic way to express it.

  2. KB Says:

    That’s good. I like it.

  3. angela Says:

    you always know just what to say to change my perspective to go in a more positive direction. I will no longer think I failed at being a mother. thank you. you are one of the most courageous people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing!

  4. Meeco Says:

    i just wanted to say that i really enjoy reading your blog. i lost my twins around the same time you did and it has not been easy. most often i feel misunderstood or completely invisible. then i read your blog and feel a little less alone. thanks for your honesty.


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