Oh The Tears, They Do Still Fall….

August 21, 2008

I’m amazed at how easy tears will fall still, even 4 and 1/2 months after losing Baby B.  I go 3-4 days without crying but just the simple act of writing an email to one of my oldest friends will cause me to break down and sob.  I haven’t been very good about keeping in contact during the past couple of months.  I admit it, I have really wanted to hide from people.  I don’t like crying or expressing how angry I am in front of people.  Plus, I feel like if you are paying long distance to talk to me, you don’t want to hear me blubber….

Today, a partner from another office came into to our office.  He walked in and with tears in his eyes, said, “I have to apologize, I didn’t know you lost the other baby until last month, is there anything I can do?”  I think I am doing so well and then BAM! it hits me, I lost my 2 baby boys.  That was me.  Not someone on TV, they don’t even write TV shows about this kind of sadness because nobody would watch them.

I just don’t want to be the girl with the dead babies anymore.  I want to be the girl with the cute baby.  I want a living baby.

I don’t think that’s too much to ask for.

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2 Responses to “Oh The Tears, They Do Still Fall….”

  1. whataboutmyeggs Says:

    I am soo sorry for your loss. Hopefully that smile face you saw will turn into a BFP real soon.

  2. KB Says:

    I know. It is OK though. Really. Sad, sarcastic, mad and all of the above – it is OK. Let those tears flow – they’re so cleansing and releasing. Even if they come when you don’t want them to and Oh, they do just come whenever they want to, don’t they.

    People love you and loving you means sharing in your saddness – let them love and support you. This Something I am working on and allowing too.

    It isn’t too much to ask for at all.


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