Smiley Face for this Giant Panda

August 20, 2008

Okay, so this is for those of you playing along at home.  I wasn’t feeling good yesterday so I left work early.  I work in a small office and despite the fact that I am holed up in my own, separate office with a door, if one of us gets sick, there is a chance that all of us will get it.  Generally, if someone says, “I’m not feeling well,” the answer is, “please go the hell home…”  So I did.  Billable hours be damned.

I went home and took a nap.  I got up around the designated “pee stick” time (because God knows, if you don’t pee on the ovulation stick at the same time, in the same way, in the same bathroom with the lights on or off depending on how you did it the first time, the thing won’t work…again, I am certain that it’s easier to ascertain the fertility of a Giant Panda than a human).  Now this was my last pee stick and up to this point, I had not seen the holy grail of pee sticks – the smiley face (I use the digital ones – see posted titled “OPK Craziness” for reasons why).  I will be honest, I was a little happy to not have seen the little jackass because neither hubby nor I have been up to BDing.  Back story is that I wasn’t sure when the smiley faced jackass was supposed to show up so we starting BDing about a week ago “just in case…”  Not smart.  I love my hubby and he loves me but we are sick of the sex.  Plus we are both just plain sick.

Of course, that means when I return to the bathroom precisely three minutes after performing a golden shower with said pee stick, that smiling happy little jackass is staring up at me.  Sidebar: I will never look at a Jack in the Box commercial the same again.  Anywho, I walk into the living room where my half dead hubby is sprawled on the couch and say, “good news, we have a smiley face” in my most cheerful albeit raspy, wheezy voice….He groans, looks at me and says in his own equally raspy and wheezy voice, “okay, go take your clothes off, I will be there in a minute…” 

Did y’all every see that episode of “Friends” where Monica is sick and she’s trying to get Chandler to have sex with her and she’s all snotty and gross?  That was us.  We were both Monica.  But we did it – to quote my friend Brian in reference to his wife, Deb, learning to hang-glide at our wedding – “like a fucking champ.”

I am really hoping not to need these pee stick demons next month….Giant Panda out.


2 Responses to “Smiley Face for this Giant Panda”

  1. Maricel Says:

    I hope both you and hubby are feeling well right now. Hey, sex is good when you have colds or something. I read it in Cosmo mag. 🙂

  2. whataboutmyeggs Says:

    LOL!! I have had one of those mornings and to hear your humorous story..sorry not laughing at you, but at the situation, it really helped me. DH and I have both been sick too and needless to say we had the same damn reactions. Sex has kind of lost that “flare” especially when the over smiley OPK is laughing at you the whole time. Best of luck though.

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