Slave to the OPK

August 14, 2008

It’s that time of the month again.  No, not that time of the month, the OTHER time of the month.  That time when I pee on little sticks to see if my cycle has returned to normal and thereby creating an opportunity for hubby and I to have another baby.  It’s only been 2 months since we started “trying” for another baby (I hate “trying” but I don’t know what else to say – I am open to suggestions) and I didn’t expect it to happen right away.  I know my cycle is screwy and hormone levels are wonky but there is that overwhelming wanting to have a baby.  I was ready to have a baby before when I lost the boys and now, I am ready again.

My mind keeps flash back to when I found out I was pregnant with the boys.  I was so happy.  It was like the flowers were brighter, the sun was warmer and the grass was greener.  Everything was good.  I was so excited and August seemed so far off to get to meet them.  I want that back.  I want to get to finish the journey that I started way back in November.

And then there are the holidays.  I cannot face hubby’s family if I am not pregnant.  I can’t do it.  Christmas at his family’s house will be agony.  His sister is what I call a “serial birther.”  She cannot handle anyone else being pregnant and having any sort of attention so she gets pregnant.  As soon as she found out we were pregnant, she and her husband starting trying for a THIRD.  The day before I had the the surgery and lost Baby A, she said to me, “we have been trying for 2 months now and I just don’t know why I am not pregnant.”  I thought that was a little insensitive since she has two children already and I was getting ready to have a surgery which would end the life of one of my children.  Her third is due in November.  I can’t do Christmas if I am not visibly pregnant and luckily, hubby has said that I don’t have to.

So if I get pregnant this month, I would be due in May.  It seems like an eternity from now.  But I have learned from experience that the whole process goes so fast.  It’s just the process of getting to be pregnant that is killing me (and it’s supposed to be so much fun, right?).  I want this so bad that I am making myself crazy when I really need to remind myself that it will happen when it happens.  It happened before and it will happen again.  If not this month, then next month.  Until then, I am peeing on little sticks and molesting my hubby like crazy…

Hey, this is actually kind of fun….


2 Responses to “Slave to the OPK”

  1. KB Says:

    Totally not doing Christmas either b/c this would have been “Baby’s First Christmas” for us. I thought about the cute cards we would have sent with a family photo. So Sad…

    I’m planning to go out-of-town. Finally, hubby agreed to a holiday vaca. I’m thinking an all-inclusive place just because it is easy. I’ve wanted to ditch Christmas anyways – too much chaos and nonsense with my hub’s divorced parents making a big fuss about being miserable together. We’re learning to start our own “family Traditions” – just us 2 if need be.

    I think about “trying” ever since you said that you don’t like that expression. I liked when you said, “you didn’t fail the first time.”

    How about “actively working on conception”? That’s kind of long though. Hmmm…

    How about a revival of “Knockin’ Boots” – 🙂

    I think it is good to remind yourself about your first pregnancy: It Just Happened. It will happen again. It will.

    And, Right on to having fun and molestation – hoo rah!!!

  2. whataboutmyeggs Says:

    I know exactly how you feel about the holidays. Its hard to fathom such happy day when everything still hurts. I completely understand an all inclusive vaca. I truly admire your way of thinking. I was able to get pg. once before, and ever since then I’ve been telling myself that that time in my life will never happen again. But you’re right. If it can happen once, it sure can happen again. So long as we keep molesting the hubbys. 😮 That should be the fun part. 🙂

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