Hello world!

July 23, 2008

If you have read the “about” for this page, you probably have a similar reason to be here.  It’s been 4 months since I lost Baby A and 3 months since I lost Baby B.  You will notice that I don’t call them by their names.  I do, but not in public.  I say their names to my husband and to myself and that’s it.  Don’t know why, just do.  I have brief periods of obsession with Baby B’s death certificate.  Baby A didn’t get one because when he was “born,” he had been gone for 4 weeks already.  In North Carolina, no death certificate is issued until the baby reaches 20 weeks.  I didn’t even get to hold him like I did Baby B.  And my state doesn’t issue birth certificates so the only record of his existence is the ultrasound pictures in the baby book and the booties I carried with me to Children’s Hospital in Philly (under the deranged notion that if I had booties for both boys, the doctors would be able to tell me everything was going to be fine – well, it wasn’t and Baby A died).  That bothers me but there is nothing I can do about it.  I am finding that to be true with a lot of things in my life.  Feeling a little helpless hence the reason for the blog.

Also, Hallmark, if you are listening, you need to create a memento book for these situations.  I don’t have anything to put my booties, caps, pictures, etc. in.  I know it’s not upbeat or fun or a box full of sunshine but people like me, we need something like this.  My friend Freda is taking on the not-to-fun task of creating something because I was irrationally obsessed with a box for my mementos.  Freda is crafty so I am lucky.  Everyone needs a Freda in these situations.


One Response to “Hello world!”

  1. Meghan Says:

    I know it has been almost a year since you posted this but I too was obsessed with a box for my mementos. We found a great wood box at Michael’s, it looks like a baby block. I haven’t painted my box at home yet because I want it to be perfect. But, we painted the one that we used for my son’s coffin, it looked great, and yes it was cheery. It needed to be because he was a baby and deserved to have happiness around him.

    If you care to see what it looks like my husband posted the pictures on his flckr account http://www.flickr.com/photos/emt1irish

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